Meeting Umbridge
by FreshlyJuicedBeetles
Summary: Umbridge wants to meet you but has ulterior motives. Severus Snape/Female Reader; established relationship. Modern Order of the Phoenix setting.


The Pink Tyrant had taken over Hogwarts.

Severus came home nearly every day for a year with new drama that Dolores Umbridge, some Ministry bureaucrat turned teacher had stirred up. She had a problem with sticking her nose where it was not wanted or needed. He admitted he was thankful that he no longer lived on campus anymore, thus granting him a reprieve from her antics. First, she completely overhauled the Defense Against the Dark Arts program for the worse, then the Ministry gave her more power to oversee the day to day operations and standards at Hogwarts, reporting back to the Minister. She unfairly limited the student's activities outside of school, to the point their freedom and rights were being affected. She tried to fire professors she found unfit mainly Dumbledore, but others were in her sights. She even made a scene over firing the Divinations professor in front of the students. A line had been crossed, you don't allow students to see that. Even Severus said it was hard to watch.

Umbridge's personality was lacking too. She was _fake_ ; her fake cheerfulness, her fake attention-getting cough. Everyone wanted her gone. Towards the end of the year, she started meeting with the immediate family of anyone who worked at Hogwarts. She soon called for me.

"She wants to meet you," Severus said, placing his dark leather satchel on a kitchen chair as he returned home. I gave it to him when we got married. He uses it to shuffle student work and his grade book to and from Hogwarts.

"Who? The cat lady?" I asked.

Severus' eyebrow quirked, "That's one descriptor. I had a few others in mind. She wants to have _tea_."

"Tea?" I repeated, "What? So, she can poison me?"

"I wouldn't drink it," Severus said plainly.

From his satchel, Severus pulled a bright pink envelope. He held it as though it would burn him as he handed it to me. It was a formal invitation on personalized pink stationary, the paper was even perfumed with a sickly-sweet smell that made me cough.

"Well, I guess it's my turn."

I was nervous to meet this woman. I didn't know what she'd say to me and I didn't expect this meeting to be pleasant given everything I had heard. I put extra effort into my appearance, not just to look nice and professional, but I didn't want to give her anything to use against me if she went low. I made sure my clothes were crisp, my hair was in place and checked my teeth several times before I apparated to Hogwarts.

The school was quiet for once. It was during class hours, but even then, Hogwarts still had an element of life before. Then, I saw the Educational Decrees haphazardly hung on the stone wall of the Entrance Hall. The amount coupled with no doubt Filch's less than superb handiwork left me speechless. Did I really have to meet with this person?

The few students I saw in the hallways looked beaten into submission. They hung their heads, just trying to make it through the day. Their uniforms were immaculate, well past even military standards. Dumbledore never truly enforced the dress code.

I made my way to her office from memory. I took a breath before I knocked on the door. It opened on its own after a moment.

I was assaulted with a pink saturated room, the sound of meowing kittens and the overbearing smell of floral in the air. Everything was so over the top, I had to wonder if she genuinely enjoyed these things or if she was trying to make herself seem comforting and feminine while completely overdoing it. It was so overdone, it was creepy. The dozens of little kitten eyes staring at you didn't help the aura, either.

"Ah, _Mrs._ Snape." Umbridge stood as I entered.

'Merlin, she really does look like a toad.' I thought.

"Hello," I replied, cordially. I tried to remain neutral about this woman until I met her. I knew that everything I had heard about Dolores Umbridge was shaded by anecdote from Severus, who can let his own biases get in the way. I was willing to hear what she had to say. There were some alarming changes she made, but I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. Being a teacher was hard even when you had the proper education and experience, unlike in her case.

"Sit, sit, sit," She fussed like a kindly grandmother, ready to plump up her grandchildren with sweets, ushering me into a pink upholstered chair in front of her desk.

"How do you take your tea, dear?"

"One sugar, please," I requested.

The tea poured itself into two pale pink teacups and with a minor flick of her wand, the sugar was added. Even the sugar cubes were died pink.

"Why I must say, you're actually quite pretty." She said as she sat down with her tea. "I'm not quite sure who or what to expect," She giggled at herself. The sound was like glass breaking. I repressed a grimace.

I wasn't sure who she was backhandedly complimenting (insulting?), me or Severus.

"I'm a bit confused as to why I'm here. I'm not a teacher…" I said. "You've been calling on other spouses and family?"

"I just want to get to know my subordinates, that's all." She replied with a smile. From her desk, she produced a pink clipboard and parchment and daintily, dabbed her pink quill in ink.

"Am I a subordinate or is Severus?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

She said nothing and scribbled in her notes. I felt like I, and thus, Severus was about to be analyzed.

"How long have you two been married?" Umbridge asked.

"Ten years in April," I answered.

"And how did you meet?"

"As students here at Hogwarts. We dated briefly in our seventh year but broke up just before graduation."

"And why is that?"

Umbridge was already poking too far but backing down would show weakness. I settled for a half-truth.

"We were kids, we drifted apart." I shrugged. In truth, I couldn't follow him down the dark path he was about to travel.

"This all about sizing up Severus and the rest of the staff isn't? Like how orphanages do home visits to see what kind of environment they're potentially sending a kid to. You don't want your staff around any unsavory kind, do you? Well, here are some things about Severus Snape. He likes cold and dark places, he's read every book imaginable and can't rid of any. He has an irrational fear of elephants and he _just_ can't _function_ if he doesn't have his favorite quill and ink; Martin's Quill in style 388, standard nib and Waterman's ink in 00, Blackest Black, 25, red for grading." I ranted. I knew how private Severus was and I didn't like people trying to take that from him.

I expected reproach for my tone. Umbridge only gave a small, saccharine giggle, "Well, we all have our eccentricities!"

She took a sip of tea. "What is your blood status?"

I was taken aback, about how bluntly she asked that. Kids were more open about their blood status, but not mine and Severus' generation. "Half-blood. About 53% magic quantum if you want to be specific."

"And your House?"

"Slytherin."

"Do you interact with muggles?"

"I know a couple."

"Oh, you _know_ a couple? How many?"

"Two, I guess."

"How well?"

"Well enough that I spend a fair amount of time with them."

"And how did you meet?"

"We grew up together in the same neighborhood and went to the same muggle school before I came to Hogwarts."

"And do you engage in Muggle activity?"

I scoffed, "What's muggle activity? Basic home utilities? The internet? Cell phones? Yes, I do. You do realize that we're no different from Muggles, that we're all humans, right?" I asked seriously.

Umbridge grimaced as she recorded her notes. She was trying to see how _Muggle_ I was and how my Muggle dealings could affect Severus and in turn, the school which ultimately affected her.

"Look, before you cast your ire at me, remember that Severus was raised by a Muggle, too. I've read the rankings of Hogwarts. You have one master level teacher in this school and that's him. Do you have any idea how hard those are to come by? How long he had to study? There's only one other school that has a master level teacher and it's in India somewhere. Parents want their children to be taught by master level teachers and Dumbledore. Now that he's gone and if you cast Severus off because of your bias against my answers, Hogwarts will crumble. I love this school, but it can't get by on reputation alone.

"Not only that but can you keep up with the traditions? Do you know where the school gets it's Christmas and Halloween decorations? Did you know that each staff member has their own ornament on the Christmas tree? How are you going to manage Hell Week; the last week of school when the seventh years go nuts? What about Dumbledore's tradition of letting everyone off on the first warm day of Spring?"

Umbridge sat quietly, listening to me with a smirk on her face. "Adorable," She replied, as she slashed a check mark on her paper. "Unfortunately, Albus Dumbledore is mentally unstable."

"Oh, he is not," I groaned, "I'll admit, he's not perfect and I have my problems with him, too, but he's wise, intelligent and he's good with the kids. I don't see anything wrong with him as Headmaster. And hey, I wasn't the one who gave him the ghost peppers and illegal fireworks." I replied, a bit defensively about the last part.

Umbridge jotted down a note on her parchment. "I see this is a controversial topic, let's move on."

"His parents, what are they like?"

"Severus'? Ask him." I wasn't going to tell her Severus' and Eileen's story of abuse at the hands of Tobias; how Tobias died of an aneurysm in his sleep when Severus was seventeen and Eileen hung herself in a dank mental ward a year later.

Umbridge was getting annoyed but tried to hide it.

"Do you and Snape plan on having children?"

"Who says we don't have any already?" I countered.

I saw her grip on her quill tighten, but she relaxed, calming herself. "Since I see no other Snape on my rolls. I would assume any children you may have are young. Would they attend Hogwarts?"

"Honestly, no."

"And why is that?"

"I don't like your teaching methods," I replied simply. "Even Muggles know that practicum experience is a better method than pure theory. I also don't like how you made this grand institution into your personal prison. You have the Malfoy boy running around, essentially unlimited, turning in kids because they looked at him wrong. He's one the last students around here that should be given any power. I wouldn't trust him with a paperclip. You would know that if you paid attention."

I leaned forward. Umbridge started to fume, her pink painted lips disappearing until a tight line. She didn't like being questioned.

"Let me ask you about your qualifications to teach. Do you have any? I didn't think sitting on Wizengamot was enough, personally, but hey, I could be wrong. Severus fell ass first into this job, but you can read his file and see that he all the certifications he is regulated by law to have for teaching. I'm sure the Prime Minister would be interested to hear that students aren't getting the proper education due to an underqualified teacher. We may be separate from the Muggle British government, but we're still ruled by the Queen. Same laws and such right? I bet even Fudge may be impeached for misusing his power."

Umbridge shot up, frowning, her face beet red.

"You are a very rude woman, Mrs. Snape."

I took this as my chance to leave and stood up, but not without the final word. "Yeah, well, I married Severus, didn't I? What? Did you think I'd be a princess?"

I turned around just as I passed the threshold, "Oh, in case no one told you. This school has a way of spitting out those it doesn't like. Ever wonder why the Defense post is always open?"

Umbridge sputtered, trying to ask what I meant, but I had already apparated home.

* * *

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